Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
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