Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
