I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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