clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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