Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
