So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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