tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
