they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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