i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Randomize
