Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
