Have you finally orgasmed yet?
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
