Just fell off a train. Bad.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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