theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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