dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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