Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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