Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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