There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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