Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
