It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
