OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
