i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
