If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
