he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
