Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
