How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
