I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
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