the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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