mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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