I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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