I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
it glows. i had to have it.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Randomize
