Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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