Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
whose parrot is this?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
