You can't special order awesome
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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