Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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