as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
