I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
