Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
