i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
