Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
He has the fingertips of a God
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
