Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
