so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
