the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
