God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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