well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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