The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
How's work?
Spinning.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
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