at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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