Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
