either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
