I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
