drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
