She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
