Sponge bath it is.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize