he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
