Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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