Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
