you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
