I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
