I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
