I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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