if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
