Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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