i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
