Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
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