Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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