You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
