Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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